"What makes you so sure I'm made of stone and how sure are you that I don't feel the same way?"
I can hear my heart in my ears, that deafening sound of half fear half relief that comes when two people admit they are attracted to each other. The knowledge that what happens next is left completely to chance and fate.
He holds me then, the moment seems endless, I feel myself rise and my heart beats louder at every new height. In his eyes I can see the fire that I know is the reason my eyes are stinging.
He mouths it almost painfully, like they very thought of me comlpying is death in itself. I stand confused, speechless and slowly we walk, through the door, out onto the dirt road, hand in hand not saying a word.
I ask him to say something, any thing. The tension is so thick it can be cut.
"There's really nothing to say"
He puts my hand and his into the pocket of his sweat shirt, I feel a fresh tinge of warmth at the gesture. He is different but it's nice....
Later, I dream of his eyes, their intense penetration that scares me half to death and yet now, that I cannot live without.
Saturday, I'm hanging with my girls, all I see is their lips moving, I can't hear their words. I feel transported to a place that only I seem to see. Him. I hate him and what he is doing to me. I'm in a club, music is blaring,dancing sweaty bodies everywhere. Him again, in my head, in my blood. I hate it. I'm on the phone with him, silly excuse about a book which I suddenly need.... urgently.
I'm at his home in a few, wondering what possessed me to com, feeling the old familiar happy fear. He lets me in and again, there are no words, everything said with just one look. I feel cramped, claustrophobic, I check to see if the windows are open, they are. I sit. I stand and begin to pace. I sit again and in his eyes I see laughter. He sees my anxiety and is amused by it.
Times passes; a minute? an hour? Two? I don't know..... Somehow it doesn't matter. I know in that instant it's now or never. It happens so fast I barely have time to catch my breath....
Hands, hearts, breath, lips, tongue, darkness, pleasure. Nothing is awkward, no fidgeting wondering where the hands should be placed, just primitive impulses,; no restrain, no control, just desire and the need for it to be satisfied. Nothing one pictures in a first kiss, usually those are supposed to be chaste and sweet, awkward and experimental.... It was nothing like that. No, it wasn't. And then, things got out of control....
To be continued........