Truth

Is it wrong of me to want to be close to a heart that makes me smile,
Hands that embrace me,
Faith that makes me walk for miles?

Would you judge me if I clung to love that made my soul leap,
Hope that chased my fears,
Patience that made me rise from a messy mound?

Maybe I am searching for too much too soon,
Begging questons that need not be answered,
Biting off more than I can chew,
Rending sinews anew....

You are my solace
You odd wretched thing,
You who in the same breath beckons and banishes.
In the labyrinth of you I have found my heart's rest
And nolonger do I roam baseless and seemingly abandoned.

Oh, but you will be the death of me!
For where you build, also do you tear down,
Where you plant, also do you scatter weed that strangles and suffocates...

You give me a voice
Then stifle it when I try to sing,
Ask me to drink from your boundless well
Then dip poison in the very drops I sip....

I cannot bear your heartless torture,
It tears me apart.

Still, I can never, ever leave you.

My abyss

It's funny waking up one morning and feeling like you've lost your identity, the very essence of who you are or the only thing you knew yourself by. Actually, no, it's not funny. It's tragic. You feel like a veil has been draw over all you knew and you lost in some weird mist type thing..... Ok, whatever, I'm having a bad day. Every one suddenly seems so in love with me except the love of my life for 6 bleeding years, I'm starting to have the feeling that at the rate that I'm going, I'll probaby end up being one of those freaky hermit spinster chicks with all the cats..... I feel strangely lost, as if I'm losing some element of myself that I can't quite put my finger on..... Falling and waiting ever so desparately to be caught.... My best friend (or my person as I prefer to call him) and I had a fight because he says I'm losing the insensitivity that he found the most appealing aspect when we had just met. It is true but who even says that to anyone? Got to crash, then catch up with a mountain of work that is driving me half to death. I need to breath. Desparately.