Truth

Is it wrong of me to want to be close to a heart that makes me smile,
Hands that embrace me,
Faith that makes me walk for miles?

Would you judge me if I clung to love that made my soul leap,
Hope that chased my fears,
Patience that made me rise from a messy mound?

Maybe I am searching for too much too soon,
Begging questons that need not be answered,
Biting off more than I can chew,
Rending sinews anew....

You are my solace
You odd wretched thing,
You who in the same breath beckons and banishes.
In the labyrinth of you I have found my heart's rest
And nolonger do I roam baseless and seemingly abandoned.

Oh, but you will be the death of me!
For where you build, also do you tear down,
Where you plant, also do you scatter weed that strangles and suffocates...

You give me a voice
Then stifle it when I try to sing,
Ask me to drink from your boundless well
Then dip poison in the very drops I sip....

I cannot bear your heartless torture,
It tears me apart.

Still, I can never, ever leave you.

My abyss

It's funny waking up one morning and feeling like you've lost your identity, the very essence of who you are or the only thing you knew yourself by. Actually, no, it's not funny. It's tragic. You feel like a veil has been draw over all you knew and you lost in some weird mist type thing..... Ok, whatever, I'm having a bad day. Every one suddenly seems so in love with me except the love of my life for 6 bleeding years, I'm starting to have the feeling that at the rate that I'm going, I'll probaby end up being one of those freaky hermit spinster chicks with all the cats..... I feel strangely lost, as if I'm losing some element of myself that I can't quite put my finger on..... Falling and waiting ever so desparately to be caught.... My best friend (or my person as I prefer to call him) and I had a fight because he says I'm losing the insensitivity that he found the most appealing aspect when we had just met. It is true but who even says that to anyone? Got to crash, then catch up with a mountain of work that is driving me half to death. I need to breath. Desparately.

Random

"I have always laid it down as a maxim --and found it justified by experience --that a man and a woman make far better friendships than can exist between two of the same sex --but then with the condition that they never have made or are to make love to each other."

Lord Byron

p.s: My plot has just been messed up by this guy

Melancholia

I’m one of those chicks who pride themselves in the inability to feel such fickle human emotions as loneliness. I’m starting to rethink my stand on that though; I guess the powers that be are at work, doing their best to reassure me that I am in fact quite human contrary to common belief.
I was in an all girls’ school for the whole of my high school (you can stop gasping already, I’m perfectly normal). Regardless of that fact, I find it rather difficult to make girlfriends. Don’t get me wrong, girls are great and all but given the callousness and insensitivity of my temperament or personality or whatever, I’d much rather stick with the thicker skinned sex. There are some chicks on the other hand that perhaps are on heaven’s mission to redeem me from the hell that is I or maybe decide to disregard the Cruela attitude that I have so completely adopted……… I don’t know. Anyway, they are my friends
There’s this whole craze with studying abroad that I don’t completely click yet (don’t kill me P) but against my advice and better judgment, they have all been swept up in this tide. Every. One. Of. Them. It wasn’t so bad until Sunday night after I said goodbye to the last lot of them at the airport and comforted their miserable mothers- I have a knack for that by the way- I got home and it hadn’t hit me yet……. At least not completely that I no longer had anyone to wallow in self pity with or to share the latest juicy gossip with for the moment.
Anyhow, on Sunday night there was this major crisis at home that almost resulted in my death and I just needed to hala at some one who I didn’t have to start explaining everything to from scratch. You can imagine my horror when I realized there was none of my girls I could call, at least not for the next two days. As if that was not enough, all the guys had their phones off because it was Sunday night and they wanted an uninterrupted night before the new week. What the fuck?!
Worry not, I’m coping. I vent by breaking little birdies’ necks. Not

P.S: I’m trying to stop swearing, it’s not working very well though, any pointers? Not from you Antipop though

P.P.S: There is a new boy in my great life, more about it later……. Or not

Reasons why I love my nail specialist and other stories

• He pretends to believe me when I tell him half baked lies about why my nails are in such bad shape. e.g "it's just that time of the month" when really the vanish had chipped badly and all I had to remove it with was an old rusty nail file.
• He seems to enjoy the fact that I speak miserable Luganda and he speaks next to no English......... You should hear us communicate!
• He gives the nicest foot rubs ever
• He's cute
• He's cheap and he gives me discounts (I think this should have come first)
• He gives me practical tips on how to improve my nails, not like I listen or anything, it's just nice to be told
• He makes my nails look beautiful and that in itself is a miracle.......

I guess this is the point when I start with the other stories.......... Just realised there are no other stories. You'll just have to wait til I come round to writing the sequel of that ka story I started. Meanwhile, has any one read Memnoch, the devil by Anne Rice? I think her and Dan Brown ought to have a special place in hell for all their blatant blasphemy. I mean, if I'm going to hell, I really wouldn't want to be placed with the lot of them. In the off chance that God decided to change his mind about how evil I am, He'd just see then and then fail to forgive me! That said, I think they're incredibly talented, her books are a must-read (start with interview with the vampire or watch the movie if you can't read it). Ok, that's about it.

P.S: For those of you who want to find out who my nail guy is, my lips are so sealed so you can choke on it!